The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success
MY RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4/5: All good reminders on the power of a growth mindset and positive thinking. However, the summary doesn’t go into how the nuance of how sometimes the lessons we need to learn aren’t going to come from “looking on the bright side.” Sometimes taking our power back in a situation lies in telling ourselves the truth of how bad a situation really is. It takes a lot of inner work to know the difference between being grateful and positive versus being someone who chronically tolerates what is no longer working.
“The Gap and the Gain (2021) is a guide to finding happiness and fulfillment inside yourself, instead of constantly hunting for external affirmation. By learning to define your own standards of success, and by measuring your achievement backward, you’ll appreciate how much progress you’ve actually made, and experience renewed motivation in every area of your life.” - BLINKIST
Michelle’s Raw Notes from the Book Summary:
Most people think happiness is something external. Happiness isn’t something to be pursued. It’s something you can choose to have right now.
Take ownership of your own happiness.
False belief: You have to make yourself miserable to get motivated to change.
Studies show that when you are in a positive frame of mind, you perform better.
Survival mode kills off creative thinking.
If you look for happiness outside yourself, you’re giving away all your power.
Comparing yourself to others is futile.
It causes you to focus on external standards of success.
The only thing that can make you fulfilled is paying attention to what YOU value. It’s intrinsic.
Be a self-determined adult - decide for yourself what really matters to YOU. Your list won’t be the same as anyone else’s. Define YOUR version of success.
Your mindset affects your physical health and longevity.
People who think of and describe themselves positively have the potential to live longer.
The link between mind and body is real. Unhappy people are less resistant to viruses.
Positive people can literally improve their health just from mindset alone.
Choose to live in “the gain” not “the gap”. See every experience as valuable.
You can practice “THE GAIN” mindset by listing your positive achievements and looking for what you’ve GAINED from “negative” experiences.
It’s essential to keep detailed notes of your progress so that you measure your progress against the past instead of forgetting it.
Take a moment to think about your life 10 years ago and make a detailed list of everything you’ve achieved in that time and how your mindset has changed. What did you learn from the difficult events.
Don’t measure your progress against the future. Measure it against the past.
Live in “THE GAIN”
The hour before you go to bed is important
Don’t spend it scrolling through your phone.
Turn that hour into a powerful opportunity to set yourself up for success.
Put your phone away
Take out pen and paper and reflect on your day - what are 3 wins?
Write down 3 wins you want to get tomorrow.
You’ll sleep more peacefully and your brain will process your goals subconsciously and you’ll wake up with purpose.
This practice helps you look for gains throughout the day as well.
You can reframe any negative experience. Psychological flexibility allows you to shape your reality.
Take ownership for everything that happens to you and choose how you respond.
Grab a pen and paper and answer the following:
What did you gain from the experience?
What do you want to do differently next time?
What are you grateful for?
Actionable Takeaways
This summary made me think of two type of journals that would put everything to practice beautifully: The 5 Minute Journal by Mimi and Alex Ikon and the “One Line a Day” journals. I’ve used both in the past, but now my husband and I are going to commit to at least using the 5 Minute Journal every evening.
